Thoughts From Dr. Perez
I will begin by stating that for a home to function properly the man must be the leader of that home. Before you move on let me explain. I want to begin by defining the word leader; a guiding or directing head; a conductor or director. For the most part the responsibility of seamless functionality lies on the ‘leader.’
Early on in my career as a therapist I kept faith out of my therapy sessions. This is how you are trained and of course in the quest to be the best therapist I followed the instructions. I realized that getting clients to make significant progress was becoming increasingly difficult. I learned that having a hybrid of spirituality in traditional therapy methodologies would actually address the whole of an individual.
As therapist we learn to listen closely to each individual we counsel. What you will find is that you being to see patterns and create a tapestry of ideologies and methods in which you will treat clients. What I have found hand’s down when counseling couples is that at the core men need to feel respected and women need to feel safe. For women to have their man feel respected. Men feel respected when you acknowledge them in the following:
Un-forgiveness quickly develops into resentment, bitterness, anger and anxiety. According to Rich Nauert, Ph.D research suggests that people who hold on to bitterness and anger will eventually experience illness. He also offers research done by Concordia University examining the relationship between failure, bitterness and the quality of life. This was a 15 year study where Dr. Carsten Wrosch studied how negative emotions such as anger and accusations were then found with bitterness.
Marriage changes everything. When couples meet, fall in love, later swear their lover for each other forever, hard work begins. It is after the wedding when the forever begins that couples need to keep their ax to the grind. The idea of easy peazy ‘happily ever’ after is a total farce. A bill of good we were sold when we were four years old and we bought in hook and sinker.
Inadequacy in thought pattern management is what is keeping us from making real progress in our personal and professional lives. In an era where fitness and health is all the rage most pay little to no attention to maintaining a healthy thought pattern. Proverbs states that “as a man thinks…so is he.” Your thoughts have the power to make positive or negative things happen in our lives.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) has been a source of interest in the world of psychology (Edward Thorndike) and sociology (Charles Darwin and Herbert Spencer) since the 1930’s. Both Thorndike, Darwin and Spencer questioned the intelligence quotient (IQ) convinced that it could not be an accurate evaluation of intelligence. Their belief was that because environment, exposure, culture, education and parents educational level plays a significant role on an individual’s intelligence there will always be a disparity with this intelligence quotient instrument.